From your dreams
by Yukishiro Tomoe
Summary: A/M. Misao unwittingly marries a man under false pretenses and finds herself in a dead end situation. Pregnant with the child of one of the most powerful men in the ninja business, she becomes a pawn in the power seeking scheme of her husband, Donashiro.
1. prologue

From my dreams.  
  
Prologue.  
  
_______  
  
The sunlight poured through the cracks of the wooden window frame and the wall, illuminating the room. Various articles of clothing littered the room, a pink sash, a blue ninja uniform...a plain yukata. Strands of loose, long blue hair mingled with the relatively shorter glossy black hair. A groan interrupted the silence. The creator of the sound sits up, his eyes searching for answers. They narrow on the sleeping figure snuggled up to his chest. His large hands tangle in the long hair of the sleeper as he struggles to his feet.  
  
" Masaka...what have I done?"  
  
A hot red blush crept up to his usually pale skin as his eyes fell on the nakedness of the sleeper. His heart raced as he searched the room for his clothes, rapidly securing them on his body. He would have to leave soon...he shouldn't have done it that night. He should have waited.  
  
_______  
  
" MISAO-CHAN!!!!"  
  
Misao awoke with a start, sitting up from her futon. She shivered as she felt a light breeze blow on her bare skin.   
  
Bare skin?  
  
" Misao!!! Are you awake? He's here!"  
  
She panicked as she could hear the caller's footsteps approach. She cringed as she saw her scattered clothes. Quickly, she got up from the futon and quickly latched the door shut.  
  
" Misao! This isn't like you. Donashiro-san is downstairs."  
  
" Kaede? Tell him to wait! I'm still dressing!"  
  
Okon gave a few more tugs at the door before finally giving up.  
  
" Fine. But you hurry up ok?"  
  
Misao heaved a sigh of relief as she heard Okon's retreating footsteps. She looked down at her feet, noticing the remains of her chest binding in pieces. He had been rather...impatient. Her cheeks burned as she remembered the events of last night, wondering what she would say when she saw him that morning. She hurriedly started to put on her clothes, starting with the binding. She smiled happily, breathing in the scent of sandalwood incense, which still lingered on her skin from the night before.   
  
" Misao!"  
  
" Coming!"  
  
Misao rapidly finished getting dressed and fixed up her futon. As she braided her hair, she made a mental note to change the sheets. She raced out of her room and down the stairs, eager to see her good friend.  
  
" Eto...Misao-chan. You may not enter."  
  
" Nani!?"  
  
Okon stopped her before she entered Okina's sitting room. She could see the shadows of Okina and Donashiro seated inside.  
  
" It is Okina's order. Now come on, eat some breakfast. No doubt you'll be bouncing off the walls again flirting with Donashiro-kun."  
  
" I do NOT flirt with him! We're just friends!!"  
  
Okon tipped her head to one side, a look of confusion on her face.  
  
" Honto?"  
  
" Hai."  
  
" Whatever...just go eat your breakfast now."  
  
Misao began to walk towards the kitchen before stopping, remembering she had to ask Okon something.  
  
" Okon. Where's Aoshi-sama?"  
  
Okon turned around, the look of confusion still on her face.  
  
" He's not here."  
  
" You mean he's at the temple?"  
  
Okon shook her head, frowning at Misao.  
  
" I thought you knew Misao-chan. He left this morning..."  
  
" How long is he going to be gone for? He's just doing a little shopping or something right?"  
  
Misao's heart skipped a beat as her mind raced.  
  
  
  
" I don't think he'll be back for a long time..."  
  
That was all Misao wanted to hear. Her eyes filled with tears as her chest squeezed tightly. She ran from Okon, wanting to pretend that she hadn't heard her words.   
  
" for a business trip...Matte Misao! What's wrong??"  
  
The fast beating of her heart drowned out any other voices in her head, Okon's words not reaching her.  
  
_____  
  
" Thank you for stopping by Donashiro-san. What would you like to talk about?"  
  
Okina sat opposite the handsome young man. His lightly coloured hair shone brightly in the sunlight streaming through the open window.  
  
" Please Kashiwazaki-sama, I would like to request something from you."  
  
Okina's eyes widened at the formal addressing, wondering what Donashiro Kaede really wanted.  
  
" What would you want from me?"  
  
A red blush spread across his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.  
  
" Ano...About Misao-chan."  
  
" Yes?"  
  
" I would like to marry her."  
  
Okina raised an eyebrow. He would tell this man the same thing the other dozen suitors had heard.  
  
" For your clan's sake or for your own?"  
  
" ...Though it would be good for my clan, I want Misao as my wife...I ...I lo..."  
  
Okina saw the obvious discomfort in Donashiro's body language.   
  
" If she agrees, then I sanction this marriage."  
  
Donashiro rose from his seat, grabbing Okina's hands and pumped them up and down with his own.  
  
" oh thank you!"  
  
" Mind you, remember I said if she agrees."  
  
" She'll agree won't she? We're good friends."  
  
Now it was Okina's turn to sit rather uncomfortably.  
  
" As much as she likes you as a friend Donashiro, I cannot assure you of success. If you are such a good friend, then you should know about..."  
  
" Yes I know."  
  
" Then go and ask. It can't hurt."  
  
Donashiro bowed, leaving the room. Okina stroked his beard and looked out the window. This rejecting the suitor routine was getting old. ____  
  
Donashiro walked around the Aoiya, searching for Misao. He now had only one thing on his mind. While he had the permission to he would surely ask, and succeed.  
  
  
  
Donashiro stepped out into the Aoiya's garden, calling Misao's name.  
  
" ...Kaede-kun?"  
  
Donashiro's tall figure turned sharply, his warm brown eyes spotting Misao sitting against the far wall of the building.  
  
" Ne Misao-chan...why are you sitting there?"  
  
He hurried over, noticing the tears and Misao's red eyes.  
  
" Why are you crying?"  
  
He bent down to comfort her, wondering what could make such a genki ninja become so sad. He hugged her, feeling such contact was necessary to comfort her. Misao welcomed him, crying over his shoulder.  
  
" Doushita no Misao?"  
  
" He...he left me. How could he?"  
  
" Who would leave such a pretty girl like you?"  
  
" Aoshi-sama...he left this morning."  
  
Misao clung tighter, her chest heaving in effort to inhale enough oxygen to supply her loud sobs. Donashiro was at a crossroad. He could comfort her, tell her what she wanted to hear about Aoshi, the information he knew. Or...  
  
" Don't worry Misao-chan. Even if Aoshi abandoned you...I'll always be here for you."  
  
" He...he abandoned me?"  
  
" Yes. He did." He said firmly, pulling away from Misao to look at her teary face. " Misao...the reason I'm here today..."  
  
" ...yes?" Misao asked, sniffling.  
  
" I wanted to ask if you would have me."  
  
" Have you?"  
  
" Marry me?"  
  
Misao's wide blue eyes stared into his brown ones. Her heart was so confused...she didn't know what to say. Suddenly, Donashiro's coffee coloured eyes turned blue, his light coloured hair replaced with dark.  
  
" Aoshi-sama...why? You said you would love me..."  
  
Her mind raced as she remembered all the times he had pushed her away, never smiling, never caring.  
  
" Misao...Aoshi doesn't care about you. He left you...I love you."  
  
Donashiro's words only echoed the horrible truth in her mind. Donashiro's warm smiles and twinkling brown eyes invaded her mind, encouraging her, loving her.  
  
  
  
Misao stared into her friend's pleading brown eyes. Her mind cleared for a split second, allowing her to make her decision. She wanted to make her decision before she could go back on it. It was the right decision...right?  
  
" Will you marry me? Please Misao?"  
  
" I...I will."  
  
Misao's firm tone made Donashiro hug her tightly to his chest. But the relief she had expected to come afterwards did not arrive. The tightness in her chest remained.  
  
  
  
Misao, over Donashiro's shoulder, held her hand up to her nose, breathing in Aoshi's scent, still lingering on her skin.   
  
Misao let her hand fall to the side, hugging Donashiro tighter.  
  
" Good bye Aoshi-sama." She whispered.  
  
***********  
  
Author's note: Neeeeee don't kill me! Reading over this, it seems like the beginning of RHW all over again. :( However, I assure you that its different in more ways than one ( however angst angst ANGST ahead!!!). I haven't had a chance to ask my prereaders to preread so there may be some mistakes I haven't been able to catch myself. Although this is just a prologue, I hope that I got my point across. If you wanted to belt Misao's head in for not listening to Okon ( like I did when I wrote it), then I got my point across. Just to explain the plot line a little bit more ( so you guys can't accuse me of recyling old material...of which I am kinda doing...KINDA), I'll say that in this fic, Misao actually marries Donashiro Kaede. Aoshi does not come back to stop the wedding in any shape, size or form. Hiko nor the Kenshingumi come to stop it. So Misao does marry Donashiro. Going along with the trend of knocking Misao up, she becomes pregnant. The differences of RHW and From my Dreams is that Donashiro is not the clan leader. I'll leave it at that for now, don't want to spoil the plot. *rubs hands together* prepare for LOADS of Misao torture! 


	2. chapter1

From my dreams.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
8 months later...   
  
A tall figure, a long sword in hand, trod softly along the streets of Kyoto. It was barely day break, the city had not awoken from its slumber save a few store vendors eager to start a days work. His shadow grew smaller as the sun rose in the sky. His cheek muscles contracted into an almost smile as a familiar building came into view. As he fingered a small box in his coat pocket, he regretted not coming back sooner.  
  
He was startled when he saw the door of the familiar building slide open. A woman stepped out into the morning sun, carrying a broomstick. His footsteps did not falter however, his steady stride resumed until he was in front of the woman.  
  
" Okashira! You're back. Okaeri."  
  
It wasn't often when something surprised Shinomori Aoshi. This was one of those times. Okashira?   
  
" Okashira?"  
  
" Yes. You are the Okashira...maybe you should come in first. I'll get breakfast ready for you. I think you'll need to talked to Okina right away."  
  
Aoshi nodded at Omasu, walking into the Aoiya with a terrible feeling in his gut. Once he was refreshed, changing out of his ninja uniform, he walked downstairs, noticing the bustling activity of the Aoiya in the morning. However, it seemed rather empty. Something was missing.  
  
" Aoshi...you're home."  
  
Okina sat in the dining area were Okon was setting down two trays filled with food.   
  
" Welcome back Okashira...I better get back to work."  
  
Okon left the room, leaving Aoshi bewildered again. Why did everyone insist on calling him Okashira? He took a seat in front of the other food tray, chewing slowly as he watched Okina scarf down his food like there was no tomorrow.  
  
" The trip was a success. I managed to suppress-"  
  
Okina cut him off with a wave of his chopstick. He set them down and looked Aoshi straight in the eye.  
  
" I must tell you of the changes that has occurred here since you left."  
  
Aoshi too set down his chopsticks and ceased eating, giving Okina his full attention.  
  
" You have been proclaimed Okashira. This was the last request of the previous Okashira before she left."  
  
" Misao...where is she?"  
  
Panic rose as Aoshi's fists tightened. He feared the news Okina would tell him.  
  
" It's not what you think. She married soon after you left, 2 months to be exact."  
  
Aoshi felt strangely numb as he took in the news. He struggled to keep from voicing his disbelief and frustration. Making sure he would speak in a calm voice, he spoke again.  
  
" To who?"  
  
" Donashiro Kaede. You've met him? He and Misao were good friends even before you left."  
  
" Donashiro...the Seiibanshuu member?"  
  
" Yes. She wrote that when she married, the leadership would be passed onto the one most capable. I guess she didn't want the Oniwabanshuu to merge with the Seiibanshuu. You do accept this honour don't you?"  
  
" Hai."  
  
Okina wiped his mouth and stood, leaving Aoshi alone in the room. Aoshi stared down at the tray before him. He had left for 6 months only to find that she was out of his reach. Forever. His mind wondered back to the little box he had hidden in his room. He closed his eyes, punching a nearby cushion and swore it would never be given to the intended receiver. It would never see the light of day again, just like his heart.  
  
____  
  
" Ohayo minna!"  
  
Misao smiled as she bounded into the Aoiya. Shiro quickly grabbed a chair for Misao to sit on. Her pregnant stomach was quite obvious, no matter how well her kimono had been arranged. A servant girl stood next to her, fanning Misao while she sat in comfort.  
  
" Take a rest Kanako...theres no need for that. I'm perfectly happy!"  
  
The servant girl smiled, sitting on a chair herself. Okon and Omasu hugged Misao until she started to protest from smothering.  
  
" Okaeri Misao!"  
  
" You know very well I don't live here anymore. Why do you still insist on welcoming me home? So how are things at the Aoiya?"  
  
" Mou Misao-chan! You don't visit enough!"  
  
Okon admonished her as she handed her a cup of tea. Misao sighed as she held the cup up to her lips.  
  
" It's not my fault...Kaede doesn't like me to leave the house too much."  
  
" He doesn't?"  
  
" Erm...its because of my condition. Shouldn't move around too much he said."  
  
" Here you go Kanako...try some of this! The Aoiya specialty!"  
  
The young girl looked wide eyed at the bowl of udon Omasu set in front of her.  
  
" Can I have it? Really?"  
  
" Yep."  
  
" Arigato!"  
  
Okon sweatdropped at the sight of Kanako digging into the noodle.  
  
" Don't they feed you over at the Seiibanshuu?"  
  
" Well...they don't feed the servants so well. I give her my share sometimes."  
  
Waiting until Kanako was too absorbed in eating, Okon leaned close, whispering in Misao's ears.  
  
" He's back."  
  
Misao tightened her grip on her shawl at the news. She had waited so long for this day, then he had returned. She had so many questions...but now she didn't want the answer. Misao didn't care to find out why he had left her, the wounds he had left were still fresh. Even time had not healed all wounds. But she knew she could not hide forever.  
  
" I'll go see him."  
  
_____  
  
  
Birds chirping.  
  
The faint sounds of the Aoiya restaurant.  
  
Tense silence.  
  
Misao sat in front of Aoshi in the sitting room. It was deserted, with Okina in his study and everyone in the front of the Aoiya. Only she remained, watching Aoshi for any sign of emotion.  
  
" ...so Aoshi. How was the trip?"  
  
" It was fine."  
  
Silence.  
  
More silence.  
  
" um...Did you enjoy it?"  
  
" Why did you marry Donashiro?"  
  
Misao's eyes widened in surprise at Aoshi's direct question. She felt unable to meet his relentless gaze, looking away.  
  
" ...Because...because I..."  
  
" Is it because you love him?"  
  
Misao was speechless. She couldn't bring herself to say the word love and Donashiro in the same sentence. But out of loyalty to her husband, she could not give a negative response. She couldn't say anything.  
  
" Even after what happened, you decided to marry another."  
  
Anger bubbled inside Misao as Aoshi's condescending tone reached her ears.  
  
" It wasn't my fault! You were the one who left me. You didn't tell me where you were going...I thought you weren't coming back!"  
  
" Well I didn't think I had to!"  
  
Aoshi's face mirrored Misao's shock. He had raised his voice. Never in all her life had she ever heard her Aoshi-sama raise his voice at anybody, much less her. Aoshi's muscles were taut from the frustration of his current situation. He inhaled, letting the air calm him down.   
  
" ...No one told me you left....until I had agreed to marry Kaede."  
  
Aoshi gave no answer, standing up and moving towards the door.  
  
" Please...Don't hate me. I...I didn't know."  
  
Aoshi looked down at Misao who was tugging his pant leg. Her large, tear filled blue eyes pleaded with him.  
  
" Its too late. You can't go back."  
  
Aoshi detached Misao's hand gently and slid open the door.  
  
" Don't hate me?"  
  
Without another word, he stepped out of the room, sliding the door behind him. He hated himself for feeling this way. He walked away, trying to block out the sounds of her weeping.  
  
_________  
  
Misao sighed wearily as she sat on the carriage with Kanako. She gazed out the window, trying to hide her red eyes from view. The Seiibanshuu compound grew bigger through the window as the carriage rode closer.  
  
This was her home now. And it forever will be.  
  
That thought made her heard clench as the driver coasted to a stop in front of the building. She stepped out, holding the drivers hand, trying to stop wobbling, unused to such shoes. Her usual ninja uniform, much less her shoes had been strictly prohibited by her husband.  
  
" Sumimasen. Donashiro-sama would like to see you now."  
  
Misao, startled, turned sharply to see her husband's man servant. She nodded, following the man servant inside the building. Kanako handed a small bundle to her as she left. Donashiro had never called for her like this. Checking her reflection in the clean windows of the hallways, she patted her long hair, smoothing it down. Kanako had artfully arranged onto the top of her head this morning, she didn't want to ruin her handy work.  
  
" Donashiro-sama. She is here."  
  
The manservant slid open the door, revealing Donashiro's seated back. Misao walked cautiously inside, jumping slightly when the door shut quickly with a loud slap, leaving the married couple alone inside the room.  
  
" ...Kaede...I brought you some sweets from-"  
  
" You were at the Aoiya today weren't you."  
  
Misao, still standing, flinched at her husband's biting tone. She could feel his agitated state through his ki. Lying would not be an option.  
  
" ...hai."  
  
" He's back isn't he?"  
  
Misao shuffled cautiously forward to sit on his side. She pushed the package towards him.  
  
" Okon made these sweets-"  
  
" Don't change the subject!"  
  
Donashiro whacked the side of the package, spilling the sweets all over the floor.   
  
" ...he..."  
  
" Don't lie to me. I know he's back! You had a fight with him! Are you having an affair?"  
  
Misao reached forward, harshly slapping her husband across the cheek.  
  
" Why would you accuse me of such ridiculous things? You sent someone to spy on me didn't you?"  
  
Donashiro stood, picking Misao up by the shoulders and slamming her against the wall. He slapped her on both cheeks.   
  
" You don't deny it then?"  
  
Tears fell rapidly, wetting her cheeks and making her eyes turn redder. Her body shook, not with fear but with anger.  
  
" I forbid you to go back to the Aoiya ever again. You will not see that man or the Oniwabanshuu. You are to remain in this house. Do you understand?"  
  
" And what if I don't?"  
  
Misao stared determinedly back at him, pushing him away from her.  
  
" Then something bad will happen. Obey me Misao or even kami can't help you. Don't betray me."  
  
Misao's eyes narrowed, glaring at Donashiro.  
  
" Are you threatening me?"  
  
" Take it however you like."  
  
Misao had heard enough. She stormed from the room, running for the exit. She ran outside, pulling the carriage door open and jumped inside, her hair in disarray. The driver, peeked inside the carriage.  
  
" Take me back to the Aoiya."  
  
" But-"  
  
" Just do it."  
  
  
___________  
  
  
Misao stepped out of the carriage, letting go of the driver's arm as soon as she regained her balance.  
  
" err...Driver. You do not have to return for me. Go back now."  
  
" ...hai."  
  
Misao watched the carriage ride away, dragging the back of her palm across her eyes to wipe her tears away. She squared her shoulders, putting a watery smile on her face before entering the Aoiya.   
  
" Irrashaimase...Misao?"  
  
Okon walked up to her, bending slightly to examine her face.  
  
" Ara! Doushita no Misao?"  
  
" Okon...may I stay here tonight?"  
  
" Sure you can...but Misao-"  
  
" Can you ask the questions tomorrow?"  
  
Okon nodded, letting Misao walk past her and into the back.  
  
" Can I get some food here?!"  
  
Okon sighed, pushing it to the back of her mind as she rushed to the customer.  
  
__________  
  
Misao took several deep breaths as she walked up the stairs to her old room. On the way, she passed by Aoshi's room, looking through the slightly open doorway. Aoshi sat inside pensively, with his kodachi in front of him.  
  
" ...Aoshi-sama...I hope you don't hate me. I just...I couldn't wait around forever."  
  
Misao gripped the wooden frame of the wall, closing her eyes to hide the hurt that would have been revealed. He gave no answer.  
  
" Say something...please."  
  
The silence continued. She couldn't stand there for much longer without feeling like too much of a fool. She slid the door shut before walking towards her room again. When she entered, she noticed that nothing had changed since she had left it. She quickly changed into a light yukata before lying on her futon, grateful to sleep away from Donashiro for once.   
  
  
  
She wondered, how everything could go so wrong in such a short span of time.  
  
_______  
  
" Donashiro-sama. Your wife is at the Aoiya. The carriage driver just returned."  
  
Donashiro's brown eyes narrowed as he took in his man servants words. He slammed his fist onto the table.  
  
" I told her specifically. I told her there would be consequences. Yonda."  
  
" Donashiro-sama."  
  
" Send someone to have Kashiwazaki killed."  
  
" But Donashiro-sama. He is a highly skilled ninja."  
  
" Do it, I don't care how."  
  
" Hai Donashiro-sama."  
  
The man servant bowed, leaving the Donashiro alone in the room.  
  
" I told her not to betray me...I warned her."  
  
********** 


	3. chapter2

Chapter 2.  
  
" Donashiro-sama."  
  
The young man sat up from his futon, brushing his light coloured hair out of his face as he looked up to the bowing ninja.  
  
" State your business."  
  
" His report Donashiro-sama. He has returned from the Aoiya."  
  
Donashiro took the scroll from the ninja's hand and waved him away, his face pulling into a frown as he read the contents of the spy report.  
  
" Wait."  
  
The ninja, now hanging from the ceiling looked down at Donashiro. Landing softly on the floor, the ninja bowed down again.  
  
" Hai Donashiro-sama."  
  
Donashiro gripped the scroll tightly, crumpling it in his hand. His face flushed red as anger veins appeared on his forehead.  
  
" Have Kashiwazaki Nenji killed."  
  
" But...Donashiro-sama. That's your wife's-"  
  
" I did not ask for your opinion."  
  
" He was recommended for okashira before...he may not be so easy to kill."  
  
" I said do it!"  
  
The ninja bowed, eager to escape his master's wrath. Donashiro unclenched his fist, smoothing the scroll of paper, which had told him his worst fear.   
  
  
  
_________  
  
  
Misao stepped out of the carriage again, the unfamiliar air of the place made her blood run cold. She could never call this compound home, not matter how long she had lived there. She walked slowly and cautiously towards the main entrance where once again, her husband's favourite ninja stood waiting for her. Without a word, she understood his order, wordlessly following him once again through the endless, identical corridors. Even her ninja senses were not enough to keep her from losing her way without a guide. She hated going to her husband's study. It was in the deepest part of the compound, far away from where she liked to stay; the front where the sun shone through the big glass European windows. This was the thing she liked most about the European house. Going to her husbands room meant being blindfolded for secrecy's sake. She hated the feeling of having no orientation, and she couldn't bring herself to trust her husband's bodyguard either.  
  
Her shoes landed softly on the wood panel floor, despite the friction of the wood of her shoes and the floor. Each step was a step into the unknown, her right hand feeling the walls around her in an attempt to orientate herself as the ninja led her along at a fast pace. Suddenly, the pressure on her hand eased and she quickly moved her hand, letting it fall to her side rather in the cool clammy hands of the ninja. She heard a heavy door being shifted open, a door being closed behind her. The blindfold was removed in one fluid motion, the scrap of cloth falling to the floor. The bright light from the candles hurt her eyes after a lengthy time in the darkness and fear. As her blue eyes adjusted to the new lighting, she could make out the blurry outline of her husband, seated with his back to her. Cold fear clenched her heard as she noticed that the ninja who had accompanied her retreated. Though she was uncomfortable around the ninja, she would give anything not to remain alone with Donashiro. His demeanour had changed dramatically. The warm loving aura he used to emit had become a cold, accusing glare, always directed at her. She stepped forward slightly, reaching out with a hand to squeeze her husband's shoulders in an attempt to make peace.  
  
After all, he was still her husband.  
  
He brushed her off, slapping her hand away before she could touch him.   
  
" I told you not to betray me."  
  
Misao took a step back, surprised at his condemning tone and his refusal to turn around to face her. Her surprise quickly turned to anger as his words sank in.  
  
" Not this again! I told you that I did NOT betray you!"  
  
Donashiro got to his feet in a quick movement, his right hand slapping harshly across Misao's left cheek. Misao, not ready for such a fast attack, fell to the floor from the impact, cradling her cheek in her hand, tears wetting her reddening cheek.  
  
" Why must you hit me! I did not betray you!"  
  
Donashiro towered over her. It was then that Misao noticed the crumpled scroll in her hands. Donashiro spat in her face, throwing the scroll down to her. Misao shakingly picked it up in one hand, her eyes widening as she read its contents. She gripped the scroll tightly in her hand, staring up defiantly at Donashiro.  
  
" I can't believe you spied on me."  
  
" You have no right to talk! You have disgraced me and my family name-"  
  
" You've disgraced yourself!"  
  
Donashiro slapped her again, repeatedly across both cheeks before hooking a hand behind her neck and pulling her close to him, face to face, eye to eye, nose to nose.  
  
" I told you not to betray me. I warned you to obey me...you did neither."  
  
She stared into his light coloured eyes, filled with a maddening glint she had never noticed before. Misao pulled his hand from behind her neck, clamping down on it with her teeth, making him back away.  
  
" What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Donashiro snorted, wiping the blood from his hands onto a hand towel from the table.   
  
" You are my wife. I own you and I can do whatever I want with you. You and the Oniwabanshuu."  
  
It was Misao's turn to let out a derisive laugh. She stood up, spitting the blood from her mouth and rearranging her clothes to wrap more tightly around herself.  
  
" That's where you're wrong. Before I married you, I signed a contract. A contract declaring Shinomori Aoshi as the new Okashira."  
  
Donashiro was about to move to attack her again when he noticed Misao's bloated midsection. His angry demeanour become cool, calm and collected once more.  
  
" That's ok. When the child is born, I can control the heir."  
  
Misao let out a gasp of shock, her hands automatically moving to touch her midsection, her pregnancy apparent.  
  
" You will not visit the Aoiya again. You will never see Shinomori Aoshi. Ever."  
  
" How can you stop me?"  
  
Suddenly, the door to the room opened, revealing a ninja. Donashiro smiled evilly as he read the message that the ninja had brought. An uneasy feeling settled in Misao's stomach as she took in her husband's reaction to the message.  
  
" I can stop you alright. Kashiwazaki Nenji is dead."  
  
" You're lying."  
  
Misao hand shook as she reached out for the letter. Her eyes filled with tears as she recognised Okon's familiar handwriting.  
  
" No...It...it just can't be...Jiya..."  
  
Misao sank onto the floor once more, letting the letter slip from her hands. Donashiro walked over to her, stepping on the letter in the process, and bent down to whisper in her ear.  
  
" I told you not to betray me...this is the consequence. Disobey me again and..."  
  
Misao's entire body shook with fear, her skin taking on an unhealthy pallor. Donashiro lovingly caressed her cheeks, brushing her hair from her face before kissing her on the cheek, leaving her sitting still in the room alone. His words still lingered in her head as she fully grasped her situation.  
  
" Disobey me again...and I'll kill your 'Aoshi-sama' as well."  
  
Misao swallows, a morose and scared expression on her face. Her heart began to beat faster, breaking out in a cold sweat as she nodded. His fingers roughly cupped her chin, making him face her.  
  
" I...I won't."  
  
Donashiro let her go, satisfied with her answer and walked out of the room, leaving Misao sitting frozen in disbelief.  
  
" ...I wont see them again..."  
  
______  
  
The sun shone brightly in the sky, not a wisp of cloud marring the clear blue. A long procession occupied the streets of Kyoto. Many of the residents had turned out to pay tribute to a man who had played a part in transforming Kyoto and the lives of the people in the city. The good weather did not fit the mood of the procession, rather created the atmosphere, which he would have loved. Aoshi kept his eyes to the front, bending slightly to keep the wooden tub level as he lifted one of the handles. He had been his mentor...he could even claim him to be a life long friend. Members of the Oniwabanshuu, Shiro, Kuro, Omasu, Okon. They were all present, all looking sullen. The sudden death of the beloved and respected old man, Nenji, lovingly referred to as Okina had been a shock to them all. It had been a mysterious death, the doctor had ruled out a murder though Aoshi had not been too sure. Okina had been in perfect health before hand.   
  
Though they had not said anything, he knew that a certain person's presence was sorely missed. Misao loved her Jiya and it was uncharacteristic of her not to come. He stares blankly as he dug into the ground with a shovel along with the other Oniwabanshuu. The wooden tub was lowered gently, along with the body of Okina. He shut out the weeping sounds of the people around him, the people who he had once betrayed but had come to accept him again.   
  
He had tried to kill Okina before. When the news had come through, he had closed his eyes, almost feeling already the accusing glares rest upon him once more. But they never came. The Oniwabanshuu stuck together through tough times. Even though he had turned against them, they had welcomed him back. Reluctant at first, but over time...because of one girl's tireless efforts he had been accepted, as if he had never left. But he had changed, and deep down he knew that he didn't fit in. Perhaps it was time to leave them, to relieve them of the pain. But as he looked around, he knew that he couldn't.  
  
Shinomori was not so emotionless afterall. He had his loyalty. He, though he had once lost it, had his pride. He did however, lost something important to him, because he had left. He would not make the same mistake twice.  
  
He dropped the shovel, watching Shiro and Kuro smooth the disturbed earth as he took a step back. His body stiffened as he felt Omasu cling to his side and cry. What could he do? He had experienced this pain long before, at the death of his comrades. The burning pain and the red-hot anger afterwards. One person had helped him overcome his grief then. As he awkwardly patted Omasu's back, he knew that that person would be the only one to help the Oniwabanshuu through these times.  
  
But she was no longer theirs.   
  
_______  
  
Okon walked gracefully along the pavement, despite being heavily laden with food. Walking beside her, Shiro was not doing much better. The faint sour scent tingled as she breathed in the smell wafting from the basket in the gentle breeze.   
  
" Do you think Misao will be like she usually is?"  
  
Shiro peered over the packages he held in his hands to look at Okon who smiled reassuringly.  
  
" I'm sure she's the same old Misao. Just very pregnant that's all."  
  
" I'm just wondering why she hasn't gotten in contact with us yet. It's been awhile."  
  
" Well...since we're delivering all this stuff, we can ask why. A pregnant woman should definitely be pampered. If I can't do it myself, someone else had better feed this to her."  
  
Shiro nodded in agreement, not wanting to set Okon off on another of her tirades. The hour and a half long walk had given Okon a decent amount of time, too much time in Shiro's opinion, for her to unleash her feelings about almost everything under the sun to him. As much as he respected Okon, he really wished she would leave him be for just a little while.   
  
" Look Shiro! There it is!"  
  
A Victorian style manor came into view, surrounded by stone walls and wrought iron gates. A large compound was visible to the pair, even though they were standing from a considerable distance away. When they reached the gates, a man dressed in a foreign suit greeted them, politely refusing their entry.  
  
" We've come to see Donashiro Misao."  
  
" I'm sorry. No one is allowed to enter."  
  
" Please? She's pregnant. We want to give this food to her."  
  
The man looked like he was considering it before he bowed.  
  
" Please wait. I must consult with my master."  
  
Shiro and Okon groaned, agitated that even after their long walk, they had been refused admission. Okon looked warily at the packages and baskets she held as she could feel her arm muscles loosen as she tired.  
  
" I really need to train more often. I'm getting tired."  
  
Shiro smiled at her, agreeing.  
  
" I guess this whole Aoiya business is making us soft. Haven't seen much action lately...not that I want to. Oh you know what I mean."  
  
Okon agreed wholeheartedly. It was hard these days, in the Meiji period. They, trained in the Oniwabanshuu, was too used to using their ninja skills in anyway they could. Though they had turned their skills to running the Aoiya, she knew that everyone, deep down, still missed the action and adventure they used to have back in the days of the Bakumatsu.   
  
" Donashiro-san has asked that you leave. She has given you a letter and many thanks for the kindness you have shown her."  
  
Okon and Shiro looked up with a snap of their necks as they watched the suited man walk down the sidewalk towards them.   
  
" What? Why won't she see us? What about all this food?"  
  
" I thank you on my mistress' behalf. You may leave the packages with me."  
  
" Can't we at least talk to her?"  
  
" She asked that I may give you this letter."  
  
Okon and Shiro stood awestruck as the man efficiently opened the gate. took all the packages from them, shoving a envelope in Okon's hands before appearing behind the now closed gate again. The pair both looked down at the envelope in Okon's hands, Misao's handwriting, messily written in haste, stared up at them.   
  
" Can't you just let us see her for just one-"  
  
Okon stopped speaking as she noticed that the man who had greeted them had disappeared. She sighed, tucking the letter in her pocket before facing Shiro.  
  
" At least we got a letter. Lets head home."  
  
____  
  
Misao sat silently in the dining hall. Once she had found the Victorian style house beautiful. Now it filled her with nothing but contempt and longing for the Aoiya. The long mahogany table gleamed, despite the lack of sunlight shielded by the heavy deep purple velvet curtains. The tools of her sadness sat in front of her. Ink, a thin brush and parchment. Long and slender fingers reached to take her stamp away from her. She had sealed her fate when she had stamped her name down on that parchment.  
  
" Good girl."  
  
Misao stiffened, sitting high in her chair as she stared emotionlessly ahead. Donashiro began to caress her cheeks with tender fingers and using his hot breath to nuzzle her neck. However, despite the physical contact between husband and wife, Misao still felt uncomfortable. The man touching her was a stranger. Misao remained unresponsive as Donashiro began to nibble on her lips, trying to gently pry them open.  
  
" What is wrong with you woman!?"  
  
Donashiro pulled away and slapped her a few times, repeatedly across each cheek He grabbed her roughly by the chin and forced her mouth open, placing his on hers once more.  
  
" Donashiro-sama. The packages."  
  
A man in a suit appeared at the doorway, his hands heavily laden with baskets and packages. A familiar scent enveloped her, bringing her comfort. This scent was distinctly from the Aoiya. Donashiro straightened again, pulling his lips away from Misao's unresponsive ones and waved the man away.  
  
" Throw them in the trash."  
  
Misao gripped Donashiro's wrist tightly with both hands, staring up at him pleadingly.  
  
" Please. I've done what you want. Let me keep it."  
  
Donashiro's cold demeanour waned for a second as his eyes softened.  
  
" Beg for it."  
  
Misao sank to the floor from her chair and wrapped her arms around Donashiro's legs.  
  
" Please. I'll do anything."  
  
" Anything...You'll do anything."  
  
Misao's hands automatically moved to protect her very pregnant stomach. Donashiro pried Misao's arms off, bending down to whisper in her ear.  
  
" No my darling. Not that."  
  
Misao bit her lip, fearing what he would do to her this time.   
  
" Leave us!"  
  
" The packages?"  
  
" Leave them on the floor and close the door. I want no one to enter this room until I give permission. No one is to disturb us."  
  
" Hai Donashiro-sama."  
  
Donashiro's eyes looked upon her with a predatory gleam as he picked her up and threw her roughly on the table. Afraid he would do something to hurt her baby, she endured the grunting and the pushing against her. His hands roamed all over her body, making her stomach lurch. She looked straight up at the ceiling, her eyes vacant as her soul disappeared.  
  
She had no more pride. No more dreams.  
  
She had nothing. Almost nothing.  
  
She would protect the baby, no matter what.  
  
_________  
  
Okon sank down onto the floor, laying her head on the table as she heard the loud thud of Shiro plunking down next to her.  
  
" Here. Drink some tea. Honestly I didn't expect you two to be back so soon."  
  
Omasu slid open the door and walked in with a tray of hot tea. She knelt down at the table, gracefully and accurately pouring the hot tea into the cups before handing them to a tired, but gracious Okon and Shiro.  
  
" How did Misao take it? I'm sure Okina's death hit her pretty hard. It was hard on all of us...but...she loved him more than anyone."  
  
The trio looked downcast for a moment before Okon spoke up again.  
  
" You won't believe it. They wouldn't even let us in."  
  
Omasu looked genuinely shocked, her hand covering her open mouth. Shiro nodded, eager to voice his opinion.  
  
" All we got was a cold rebuff and this letter. We didn't even get to see her."  
  
Okon took the letter out of her pocket and smoothed it out on the table before handing it to Omasu.  
  
" Thank you for your visit...please do not trouble yourself again...love Misao. What? This doesn't seem like our Misao-chan at all."  
  
" I know. The Misao we know would have loved the attention...or at least the company. That place looked desolate."  
  
Shiro sighed, looking up as he heard the approaching footsteps of Aoshi.  
  
" Okashira! We're in here."  
  
Aoshi appeared at the doorway, his eyes instantly focusing on Misao's shaky handwriting on the parchment. Omasu smiled at him.  
  
" We were just discussing Misao's letter. Would you like to read it?"  
  
" Aaa."  
  
Aoshi stepped forward to take the letter from Omasu's hands and sit in the corner of the room. He vaguely listened to the conversations of the others as he read the letter over and over.  
  
" Did she at least accept all the food and presents we got for her?"  
  
" Of course Omasu. I don't think they would have turned down anything for free. That guard really creeped me out."  
  
Omasu looked at Shiro for confirmation.  
  
" She's right. He looked so eager to take everything and kick us out. He disappeared even before we could say another word."  
  
" The place was so empty and quiet. Do you think they're taking care of Misao properly?"  
  
" Maybe. I'm not too sure. By the looks of her handwriting she was pretty shaky."  
  
" Of course, Misao-chan has always had bad handwriting."  
  
All three began to laugh heartily, reliving some of the happy memories of Misao in their minds. However, Omasu's expression turned serious as she stole a glance at the stoic Aoshi.  
  
" But I still feel a bit worried. I really want one of us to talk to her personally. To tell you the truth, I don't really trust the people taking care of Misao."  
  
" I feel the same way." Okon said, agreeing. " Okashira."  
  
Aoshi looked startled. The present Oniwabanshuu exchanged looks.  
  
" Maybe you should go and check on her...you know. By sneaking in."  
  
Aoshi set the letter down and looked Okon in the eye, his own blue eyes blazing.  
  
" I don't think that is a good idea."  
  
" We're all worried about Misao. I think it would be good for our peace of mind if you could see her and tell us how she is. You are the only one skilled enough to enter the Seiibanshuu compound."  
  
Aoshi could not deny that Okon had good points. However, could he handle seeing Misao again?  
  
" Please? If not for your rank in the Oniiwabanshuu, then for us...your family? For Misao?"  
  
Omasu joined in the pleading, back up by Shiro and Kuro. Aoshi looked resigned as he stood up and left the room. Shiro and Kuro high-five each other as Okon wore an incredulous expression.  
  
" Well, one thing about our Okashira. If he needs to do something, he does it fast."  
  
Omasu laughed softly, getting to her feet while holding a tea tray.  
  
" Oh shush Okon. You know how hard it is for him to go see her again. We all know."  
  
_____  
  
  
Misao lowered herself carefully onto a large comfy chair in the sitting room of the house. For once, the heavy velvet drapes had been pulled aside to allow the light from the setting sun to illuminate the room.  
  
Footsteps. Clinking of ceramics.  
  
She had been attended to by a well known doctor that morning. The real motive behind it was evident. Misao knew him well. Putting up a good front while under suspicion was smart.   
  
" Here you are. I've brought food for you, you must be quite hungry after seeing the doctor."  
  
Donashiro entered the room, followed by his usual entourage and a maid balancing a tray of food in her hands. He strode over to her, giving her a light kiss and whispered in her ear as the maid set down the food on a nearby table.  
  
" Smile for the lady."  
  
Misao forced a smile as her husband kissed her on the cheek. She continued to smile blankly as the maid left the room. Donashiro waved his entourage away, lifting up the bowl of rice porridge and holding a spoonful out to her.  
  
" It's yummy and it's good for the baby." Donashiro coaxed as he held the spoon to her lips.   
  
Misao began to shake with fear from close contact with the man, refusing to open her mouth.  
  
" Come on Misao...be good. Eat it."  
  
Her mouth remained stubbornly closed as she stared at him, her eyes wide with fear.  
  
" What the hell is wrong with you?!"  
  
Donashiro snapped, throwing the bowl onto the floor, allowing the sludgy liquid to slosh out all over the wooden floor. Misao ignored the steaming liquid on her own hands as she was confronted with a mad man. Donashiro leaned close, eye to eye as he screamed in her face.  
  
" I'm feeding you like a loving husband! Why must you be so damned difficult? What the hell do you want from me? I have the power to ki-"  
  
Donashiro stopped mid sentence, pulling back. He rearranged his clothing and smoothed back his hair.  
  
" I'm going on a trip. I won't be back for a few days."  
  
Without another word and without finishing off his threat, Donashiro left the room. Misao's hands gripped the armrests of the chair, her knuckles turning white. She closed her eyes, letting the silence sooth her. So silent that she could almost hear her own heart beating. She placed a hand on her stomach, feeling the baby kick vigorously.   
  
She would do anything to protect this baby.  
  
She looked down, smiling gently as tears began to fall.   
  
  
  
Misao looked around the empty room.  
  
  
  
Tears cascaded down her cheeks and she made no effort to wipe them away.  
  
" Gomen ne...Jiya."  
  
She continued to sit there in silence, save the sounds of her regular breathing and the constant pitter patter of the rain now falling outside. She remained motionless as she looked out the window, watching the rain hit the window panes.   
  
  
  
Misao bit her lip, struggling not to begin to sob and to allow her mind to go down that path again.  
  
" Misao."  
  
A soft, deep voice called to her, just like in her dreams. He wasn't really there. It was just her mind playing tricks on her, trying to cheer herself up. But even if he was there, she knew she would find no comfort.   
  
Suddenly she was aware of shadows moving across the floor.  
  
He couldn't really be there. Just her imagination. Right?  
  
The voice whispered her name again, this time sounding choked and questioning.  
  
Misao didn't dare to turn around, lest her dream would end with the realisation that no one was there. Her heart quickened as she saw a shadow fall over her.   
  
A very familiar shadow.  
______ 


	4. chapter3

Chapter 3.   
  
  
" Misao."  
  
Misao gripped the arms of the chair for support as she got unsteadily to her feet. She rested a hand on the back of the chair as she turned to face her visitor. She gasped in surprise, her face showing a mixture of happiness and guilt.  
  
" Aoshi-sama."  
  
Aoshi stood before her, his trench coat glistening with moisture from the rain outside. His wet hair clung to his face and she could see him shiver from the cold ever so slightly. Relief filled her heart. She was grateful for the comforting presence of familiarity.   
  
Her mind slowly registered the fact that Aoshi was there in the room with her. In the Seiibanshuu compound. Her relief quickly turned to anxiety.  
  
" Aoshi-sama. What are you doing here? You have to leave."  
  
Aoshi stared at her, rooted to the ground as his legs refused to move. His eyes focused on Misao, slightly wide with the shock of Misao's physical form. She had indeed grown very big in the front. He could tell by her posture that her pregnant form did not agree with her petite frame. Seeing her there, pregnant, seemed to reinforce in his mind the fact that Misao was not his.  
  
Misao wondered why Aoshi did not answer her. She followed his gaze towards her round stomach, her lips lifted in a half hearted grimace.  
  
" A bit of a shock isn't it?"  
  
" Aa."  
  
Suddenly, a large clap of thunder caused Misao to jump in fright, her hand moving to touch her racing heart, beating quickly not only because of the surprise.  
  
" Aoshi-sama. Why are you here?"  
  
Aoshi shook his head vigorously, shaking out much of the rainwater that soaked his hair.   
  
" You weren't at the funeral."  
  
Funeral. Her Jiya's. She missed it.  
  
Misao remained stubbornly silent, too deep in her own memories to notice the man right in front of her. Aoshi's blue eyes pierced directly into hers through the wet strands of black hair falling across his forehead. His sheathed kodachi gripped tightly in his right hand, ready for any interruption and aid in his escape.  
  
" Why did you not attend?"  
  
Misao winced visibly at this question. Her body began to shake and she found that she could not stop herself. She wanted to appear composed so that she could avoid Aoshi's question but found that she could not.  
  
" Tell me."  
  
She was surprised at the hint of pleading in Aoshi's voice. However her appearance had not changed as she began to feel overwhelmed. The sounds of his groans. The steady thud of bodies crashing together. The sounds were so vivid. But the pain, the mental pain was crystal clear in her mind. The steady pounding in her head replaced her perceptions of the room, her knees became weak and she hurried to sit down. She didn't want to see Aoshi. She did not want to see anyone in the Aoiya or her 'previous life' as Donashiro had called it. They would not want to see what kind of person she had become.   
  
Neither did she.  
_______  
  
Aoshi watched as Misao stared at him for a brief moment before looking away, hurrying to get out of his sight. Or to get him out of HER sight. Something akin to pain cut through his heart as he observed Misao. Her breathing was slow and shaky, as if it was a struggle to breathe at all. He could sense the tension and uncertainty in the young girl simply by watching her as he had done almost all of his life.  
  
"Doushita ?"  
  
A simple, cold request for information. That wasn't what he had wanted it to sound like. However, it did seem to get a reaction out of her. Watching her from behind the over stuffed chair, he could see her body stiffen, her head rising as she straightened up.   
  
Still silence. Unease. Tension. Concern.  
  
" Misao-"  
  
" Why did you come here?"  
  
Misao cut him off, asking the same question he had not quite answered.  
  
" ...Everyone at the Aoiya is very worried about you. This is because-"  
  
" Jiya's funeral...I didn't go."  
  
Aoshi took this chance to move forward, to stand in front of her and force himself to take a good look at her to see what state of health she was in. After all, wasn't that what his fellow Oniwabanshuu members wanted?  
  
" Why?" he asked softly, not shifting his attention away.  
  
Misao's eyes glazed over, the once prominent blue disappearing retreating deeper into the depths of her soul.  
  
" I couldn't...he...he wouldn't let me. I couldn't face Jiya again...it was my fault."  
  
Her final words were in stark contrast to the uncertainty and fear in her speech. Aoshi knew she felt strongly about it. But how could Okina's death be her fault?   
  
  
  
Aoshi looked down towards the floor, unable to face Misao for what he had failed to do. Protect her happiness by saving her Jiya. He wondered why he could not comfort her as he had all those years ago. It had been so easy to coax a young child to smile. But that was then, this was now. Misao was no longer a child. A simple fact that he had realised too late.  
  
" Its not your fault."  
  
There it was again. That cold and emotionless tone.   
  
" No. It's my fault. My fault that Jiya's...Jiya's dead."  
  
Aoshi stared at the figure before him. Her slender figure slumped on the chair, her hair greasy and her blotchy face streaked with tears. She looked so pitiful, so unlike the genki Misao that he knew and loved. And still love.  
  
He moved forward, dropping his weapons on the floor soundlessly and knelt, cupping her face with both his hands, bringing her eyes to look squarely into his. For a moment he simply stared, a strange feeling clenching his chest as he saw the confusion, the guilt, the fear.  
  
" It is not your fault."  
  
Misao was surprised by Aoshi's uncharacteristic behaviour and forceful tone, startling her for a moment before she continued.  
  
" You're wrong. You don't understand! I killed him!"  
  
Misao flailed her arms out to accentuate her words, pushing Aoshi away from her in the same swift motion. She heard Aoshi's sharp draw of breath in surprise.  
  
" You couldn't have killed him."  
  
Tears trailed down her blotchy cheeks. Tears of anguish.  
  
" I did! I KILLED MY JIYA."  
  
Suddenly, Misao fell forward from her chair, pitching forward from the impaired balance her pregnancy had brought her. Aoshi caught her before she landed on the floor. He continued to hold her in his arms as her tiny frame wracked with sobs. His mind drifted back to that night...the night where he had held her just like this...minus various items of clothing.  
  
  
  
Aoshi looked down at Misao, holding her somewhat stiffly as his surprise disappeared. Why not just humour her. If she felt so strongly about it, maybe he could gain some information to investigate further, to convince Misao otherwise.  
  
" How did you kill Okina?"  
  
" I disobeyed him...he warned me. But I didn't listen...he threatened...and...Jiya. He died...Jiya died because I defied him."  
  
" He...Donashiro."  
  
Misao leaned back against the base of her chair, loosening her grip on Aoshi, refusing to look up from the wooden floor. Her fists clenched tightly at her sides as perspiration dripped down the side of her face. She could feel the kicks coming from within.  
  
Aoshi quivered, not from cold, but from red hot anger. His mind slowly pieced together the puzzle of Misao's current condition. He had always known that that bastard had been capable of deception and lies. But not this.  
  
" I'll kill him."  
  
Misao did not look up. Her even breathing told him that she had fallen asleep. Deciding not to question why she had fallen asleep so suddenly, he stood, stooping to pick up Misao and gently placed her back onto her chair as if he had never been there. His eyes roamed over the room, taking in the wet puddles on the wooden floor he had left when he had jumped into the room. He focused on Misao's even breathing pattern as he picked up a nearby glass of water from a food tray and spilt it on the floor where he had landed, placing the empty glass within arms reach of Misao's chair.   
  
He could hear footsteps, hushed conversations and laughter. He would need to leave soon. He checked carefully for any dirt that may have dislodged from his boots before taking one last look at Misao. He spotted a shadow on her hand, peeking out from the sleeve of her kimono. He reached forward, allowing curiosity to get the better of him and pulled back the sleeve. Nasty yellow marks and fresh purple bruises. Hints of dried blood along the edges of cuts and abrasions.  
  
" I think its time we check on Donashiro-sama."  
  
Aoshi listened quietly at the soft voice of the female who was somewhere near the room. It took him a moment to register the fact that she was talking about Misao. Donashiro Misao. Kaede owned her.  
  
Quickly, he let the sleeve fall back to cover her wrist before grabbing his kodochi and disappearing into the shadows.  
  
As the heavy wooden doors to the room edged open to allow a harsh stream of yellow light to partly illuminate the silent room, Misao opened her eyes again, now breathing normally. She let out a sigh of relief as she deduced that Aoshi had already left.  
  
It wasn't that she wasn't happy to see him.  
  
It was because she did not want him to see her. She smoothed her ruffled sleeve, her fingertips running over the silver threads and their intricate designs. He knew now. Of her injuries. This was sure to be a problem.  
  
  
  
Misao had never felt so helpless about any situation in her life. There had always been hope. When her Aoshi-sama left her, she had been able to search for him. When she wanted him dead for the wellbeing of the Oniwabanshuu, despite her own hope, Himura had been there. But now, there was nothing. Okina was gone, the Oniwabanshuu would be able to do nothing because of diplomatic reasons. Marriage was final, there was no going back.  
  
Why had she gotten married? If only Aoshi had told her he was leaving. If only she would have waited...to have been more patient. If only someone had cleared up the misunderstanding.   
  
If only.  
  
Life is filled with possibilities. But regrets are useless, always too late.  
  
All she could do now was to prevent anything happening to her beloved family. Even if she had to be a cordial and obedient wife to that man.  
  
" Donashiro-sama?"  
  
Kanako appeared before her, her happy smile and genki nature almost infecting her as she sat up straighter, looking more reminiscent of the past Misao.  
  
" What is it Kanako? Please do not call me Donashiro-sama...while no one is around."  
  
" Hai hai...I understand."  
  
Kanako looked around her, surveying the spilt water and untouched food tray.  
  
" Mou Misao! Why did you spill the water?"  
  
Kanako knelt to wipe up the water on the wooden floor as Misao stared at her blankly. Suddenly, she caught sight of the empty water glass. Suddenly it dawned on her.  
  
" Sorry. A little clumsy."  
  
Kanako straightened again, satisfied that the floor was dry enough and put her wet towel on the table next to the food tray.  
  
" You didn't eat too! You HAVE to eat."  
  
"...not hungry."  
  
Kanako's sharp hearing picked up Misao's half hearted mumbling.  
  
" If not for you, then for the child you are carrying. Anyway, you can't eat this now. It's cold. I'll go get you a fresh meal."  
  
Misao looked down at her round stomach as Kanako walked away, shutting the door behind her.  
  
The child she carried within. When the child was born, that man would surely take him or her away. Used against her, a tool for that man to take the Oniwabanshuu under his power.  
  
She couldn't let that happen.  
  
As her mind drifted back to that night, so many months ago, something dawned on her. The doctor that had attended to her by order of that man had said something very peculiar. She was very far along in her pregnancy.  
  
Too far along.  
  
Of course, the doctor had not said any more than that. Donashiro's reputation far exceeded the voicing of any reasoning on the doctor's part. That night...perhaps the situation was not as dire as Misao had first thought.  
  
She smiled, the first time in months. A genuine smile, much like her former self. Gently placing her hand on her bloated stomach, she felt the vigorous kicks of the child. Her ally. Her child. And someone else's.   
  
Now she had her hope. That would be all she needed to hold on and to survive.  
  
The door opened again, this time Kanako and an extra maid whose arms were laden with a tray of food. The maid set the tray on the dining table at the other side of the large sitting room before being waved away by Kanako. When the door closed securely behind her, Kanako walked over to Misao, beaming as she proudly displayed a jar of browned eggs, a faint sour aroma tantalizing the air.  
  
" This is one of the items I saved from your packages. I felt it was a shame to throw it all away...Will you at least eat this?"  
  
Misao recognised this dish. While one of the Oniwabanshuu members were pregnant, Okon and Omasu had teamed together to make vats of it. At that time, Misao had complained about the sour taste. But now, she gladly welcomed it, one of the many specialties in Okon and Omasu's cooking repertoire. Kanako began to twist the jar to put some in a bowl and force Misao to eat as she had done in the past months.   
  
" No."  
  
Misao pushed her away, this time beginning to rise unsteadily in her chair. She waved Kanako's helping hands away.  
  
" I can still walk by myself."  
  
With renewed determination, she walked to the table where the tray of food had been set on the table where the maid had left it. Kanako stared at her in surprise. This had been the first time since all those months ago that Misao had voluntarily gotten up and wanted to eat. She shrugged.   
  
  
  
  
________  
  
Nightfall. The rain falls endlessly.  
  
Wet hands move to slide open the damp wooden door, the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the Aoiya reaching his ears as he did so.  
  
" Irrashaimase...get those wet things off right now!"  
  
Okon set down the cup of tea in front of the customer and tucked the tray under her arm, pushing Aoshi towards the main house where he would not be in the way. Beads of water sliding off his clothing and hair had already become a puddle beneath him as he stood in the hallway.  
  
" Don't catch a cold now. I don't want another thing to deal with. I'll ask you about Misao later...right now the Aoiya is too full!"  
  
With that, Okon hurried off, leaving Aoshi alone to peel off his trenchcoat and head up the stairs to his room. His footsteps made little noise as he walked along the halls of the upper level. He looked to his side, watching the closed doors go by as he headed down the hall. Suddenly he stopped, standing in an open doorway to Omasu's quarters where a mirror lay propped up.   
  
He slide open the door wider, his eyes fixated on his own reflected image. It had been awhile since he had seen himself in a mirror. He didn't like what he saw. His eyes had become sunken, dark circles around cold blue eyes. He himself had always been proud of having the ruthless look. It was essential to being okashira of a ninja clan. But it didn't appeal to him so much anymore. Nothing really mattered very much anymore. His mind seemed to have become almost obsessively preoccupied with Misao.   
  
He slid the door closed, not wanting to see himself anymore. Entering his room, he hung his trench coat up to dry, ignoring the beads of water dripping from the material. Changing into dry, warm clothes, he sat down, back against the wall with the window above him, with his kodochi leaning against his shoulder. The stream of moonlight usually present was now obstructed by the dark storm clouds and the silence disturbed by the endless drone of falling rain.   
  
What should he do?  
  
All the information he had obtained from his 'visit' would surely shock the people of the Aoiya. The sheer powerlessness he felt...he didn't want this to interfere with the already damaged morale of his clan from the death of Okina. He didn't want to stand by and watch but he knew that interfering in the Seiibanshuu's business was very unwise. It wasn't unusual for a husband to hit a wife. It was his right. No one ever said anything about it.  
  
But not Misao. She is different. Was different.  
  
He could not forget the image of her sitting there forlorn. Looking so pitiful. So unlike the genki Misao he knew, the girl who would always bounce back. Always smile.  
  
It hit him that she never did once smile at him. Not genuinely.   
  
The fact of the matter remained. Misao was married to Donashiro. There was nothing he could do about that. But what would he tell the Oniwabanshuu? Telling them the truth would only sadden them. If the information would act as a detriment towards the Oniwabanshuu, he would keep the news to himself. He would find a way to solve it as he had always done. Every problem has a solution.   
  
  
  
His mind could not get around it. The problem far too complex, too many variables, too many results which would end in failure.  
  
" Aoshi...I mean Okashira. What did Misao-chan say?"  
  
Aoshi looked up abruptly, seeing Omasu hover around in the doorway. Her hands gripped the side of the door, as if she expected bad news. His mind raced with possible replies to Omasu's question.  
  
" Is she ok? Did she like our present? I'm sure she's very big by now. She must be complaining so much. She's happy right?"  
  
It seemed Omasu had already attempted to answer her own question. This is what she wanted to hear, and the news of the truth would only hurt her.  
  
" Misao is fine."  
  
" Oh really! That's so good! I'm so relieved...Misao is just fine. What a relief."  
  
Omasu began to spiel off onto a tangent until a nagging question brought her back down to earth.  
  
" But...if she is fine...then why did she not come to Okina's funeral?"  
  
With a split second of thinking, Aoshi managed to answer back smoothly.  
  
" Her pregnancy."  
  
Omasu sighed with relief, smiling and stopped wringing her hands in her lap.  
  
" Oh of course! That's why. It was so simple...why did we get so worried? We're so silly. I'll go tell the others. Sorry I interrupted your rest Ao-...I mean Okashira. Oyasumi."  
  
Omasu hurried to take her leave, grateful for the 'good news' that she had received. Aoshi listened to the door slide shut and the woman's footsteps becoming quieter as she slipped down the hallway.  
  
It was always easy to let people hear what they wanted to hear.  
  
Even if it was not always the truth.  
  
  
  
He looked up again, suddenly hearing approaching footsteps. Hearing the rattle of cups and plates and the aroma of tantalising food, he could have guessed what was coming.  
  
His door slid open to reveal Okon holding a heavily laden tray of food. Puffs of steam could be seen in the cool air as Okon set the dinner tray down near Aoshi.  
  
" Okashira, here's your dinner."  
  
Okon made no move to leave Aoshi in peace with his dinner. Instead she started chatting happily. It was obvious that Omasu had already told her the news about Misao.  
  
" Isn't it so good that Misao is ok? I wish I could have gone to see her too. Our little Misao...pregnant! She must be hating it so much ne Okashira? She'd probably think that it was in the way or something. Or could it be that Misao has matured?"  
  
Okon paused, waiting for a couple of seconds for Aoshi to answer before spouting off again.  
  
" Oh maybe its both! I can't wait to see the baby. Maybe he has the same blue eyes as the Makimachi family. Or maybe it will be a she."  
  
Okon kept chatting happily as Aoshi sat, listening to her words. Okon's words, however untruthful painted a bright and happy picture, contrasting with the dark reality. They were just words, but listening gave him a spot of comfort.  
  
" Speaking of Donashiro, I wonder who started that ugly rumour about the baby?"  
  
Aoshi's eyes widened, his fists clenched.  
  
" What rumour?"  
  
Okon was quite taken aback by Aoshi's sudden participation in the conversation.  
  
" Oh...well...its nothing really. Just some neighbourhood gossip. You wouldn't really be interested-"  
  
" tell me."  
  
Okon shrank back a little under Aoshi's intense gaze.  
  
" Erm..well the ladies around the area have been speculating that...well...Misao is a bit too far along."  
  
Aoshi kept silent this time, allowing Okon to take her time to get over the embarrassment of spilling a juicy bit of gossip to a male okashira.  
  
" She's too far along in her pregnancy for the child to be Donashiro-san's. Of course that's just a silly little rumour. Take no notice of it Okashira! I better get back down to the Aoiya to help out. Oyasumi."  
  
Okon quickly left the room, leaving a rather startled Aoshi behind. Flashbacks of that night. The long and silky strands of hair tangled in his long fingers. The softness, the warmth, the scent of her pale skin.  
  
Okon had said Misao was too far along for the child to be Donashiro's.  
  
Could it be? Could the child...be his?  
  
His mind raced, exploring all the possibilities. His mind reached the conclusion that it was just wishful thinking on his part. A yearning for a second chance, a connection with her once more. Nevertheless, something deep down was clinging to that hope, believing that it was true.  
  
Could Misao be pregnant with his child?  
  
_____  
  
Screams of pain. Panting, heavy breathing.  
  
The wooden doors open, revealing a quite disgruntled old woman drying her hands on a piece of cloth.  
  
" False alarm."  
  
Donashiro glared at the old woman before walking past her, pushing the doors open wider and stalked towards the tired figure slumped on a chair.  
  
" Leave us."  
  
The women obeyed his order, wiping the sweat from the girl's face before dropping the face towel into the basin of hot water and walking out of the room. As soon as the doors eased closed with a soft thud, Donashiro moved to his wife's side, standing menacingly over her.  
  
" Don't do that again. If you're not going to actually give birth, do not call me."  
  
Misao sat sullenly, refusing to look at Donashiro.  
  
" Do you think it's a joke to interrupt my work? You get enough attention already. If not from me, then from your visitors."  
  
This caught her attention. She looked up at Donashiro in surprise.  
  
" What do you mean by that?"  
  
" Don't speak back to me! I know all about your little visitor."  
  
" What visitor!? You won't let me have any!"  
  
Donashiro's large hands encircled around her neck, his fingers pressing into the hollow, choking her. He shook her hard, her arms weakly tried in vain to make him stop. Suddenly he released her, letting her flop back onto the chair. He leaned in close, his rough hands caressing her cheek and her neck, gently outlining the side of her face.   
  
" Kirei."  
  
Tilting her head back, he kissed her forcefully. Misao's stomach lurched and nausea filled her. She didn't have the strength to push him away. When it ended, Misao breathed heavily to catch her breath but refused to say anything or respond to his affections. The same hand which had caressed her lovingly came across her face in a loud hard slap.  
  
" What the hell is wrong with you?!"  
  
Tense silence.   
  
" You know...I could be the cause of your miscarriage."  
  
Donashiro's whispered words made Misao's eyes widen, shrinking back in her chair and her arms moved to protect her stomach.  
  
" Ah. So you can be passionate. Just not with me."  
  
Donashiro straightened, taking a slight step back. He smiles enigmatically.  
  
" Not my child, is it?"  
  
He observed his wife. He knew that he had hit the right mark from Misao's involuntary twitching when he had asked his question.  
  
" So I was right. Its Shinomori's right?"  
  
" ...no. it's not." Misao stammered.   
  
She had answered too late. Donashiro knew she was lying, simply for the fact that she had taken a little too long to think of an answer.  
  
" You still love him don't you. That's why you want to have his child."  
  
Misao looked up into Donashiro's eyes, startled by his soft tone. He now looked reminiscent of the old Kaede, the one she knew to be kind and sweet, before they had married. His coffee brown eyes showed his pain and hurt. Despite all the things he had done to her, Misao still felt the need to comfort him. After all they had been good friends before he changed. She moved to the edge of her seat and hugged him to her, Donashiro bending down for her to reach.   
  
" Gomen ne."  
  
Misao apologised, knowing full well that in the end, it was her fault for getting pregnant out of wedlock and marrying her husband without telling him of the fact.   
  
" You know Misao-chan. I knew that Shinomori would never have abandoned you right from the start."  
  
Misao loosened her grip on Donashiro, her mind racing to find the hidden meaning of Donashiro's words.  
  
  
Don't worry Misao-chan. Even if Aoshi abandoned you...I'll always be here for you.  
  
  
That had been Donashiro's words to her when she thought Aoshi had disappeared. She had been so upset. All along, he had known...and he lied to her.  
  
" You knew all along...?"  
  
" You never would have loved me otherwise. But I realise you never loved me anyway."  
  
His voice dropped to an almost evil register, his smiled seemed almost predatory.  
  
" Even if you didn't love me...I could still exact my revenge on the one you love most. On both Shinomori and his child."  
  
Misao realised the severity and seriousness of Donashiro's statement. He was a man who kept his word and would do whatever it took to act on it.   
  
" No...please. I'll do anything you ask."  
  
" You have to love me. You can't leave me. Ever."  
  
Taking Misao's hestitation as an answer, Kaede turned to leave. Misao sprang up from her chair and threw herself at him, clutching onto his leg tightly.  
  
" I...I love you. I'll stay by your side."  
  
Donashiro smirked, looking down at Misao clutching pitifully at his leg.  
  
" Forever?"  
  
She hated herself for what she said. And for what she would say next.  
  
" Forever."  
  
Donashiro stoked her hair gently, smiling as he did so.  
  
" Good."  
  
Extricating himself from her, he left the room, leaving Misao kneeling on the floor. She barely noticed the woman who had been with her before pull her to her feet and sat her on the chair again. All the luxuries provided to her was nothing. It had no more meaning. She had no freedom. She had just promised that to somebody else. Looking down, she rubbed her large tummy.  
  
It was worth it, to save her child and HIM.  
  
__________ 


	5. chapter4

Chapter 5  
  
Heavy breathing, a new life wails and cries, covered in blood as it is wrapped in cloth and unceremoniously dumped in the waiting father's arms. The midwife wipes her bloody hands on a piece or cloth, signalling for everyone to leave.   
  
The young girl who lay back desperately clung to the girl by her bedside.  
  
" Don't leave me alone with him…Kanako please."  
  
Kanako blushed, leaning in close to wipe Misao's face and whispered her apology before gently loosening Misao's grip on her arm and walking out of the room.  
  
The heavy wooden door close with an ominous thud, leaving the couple in the room with the newborn. Donashiro looked down, gently wiping the blood front the crying, squirming mass cradled in his arms. Peeking under the folds of the cloth, he checked the baby's gender. A baby boy.  
  
He was in awe of the warmth of the baby, looking at his perfect little fingers. Delicately touching the newborn's nose, his smile disappeared as the baby stopped crying, opening his eyes to look at him.   
  
" So its true then."  
  
Donashiro looked up at Misao, now holding the baby stiffly in his arms. Misao looked up wearily at him, struggling to keep awake. She wanted so much to see the baby, her ally and her child.  
  
" Please…let me see."  
  
Donashiro stayed rooted on the floor, several metres away from her, out of her reach. He sighed softly, cooing for the baby before speaking in a soft voice.  
  
" He has your hair colour you know."  
  
He absently freed a hand and tousled his own light coloured hair as he looked down to inspect the dark hair on the newborn. No matter how endearing the child appeared, he couldn't bring himself to like it, much less love it as his child. Because it was not his own. His cheek muscles twitched as he clenched his teeth together.  
  
" My child…please…"  
  
Donashiro smiled sadly, walking to Misao's side, still holding the child to his chest.  
  
" You're right. It is your child. It is however, not mine."  
  
The smile disappeared, the look his eyes hardened once again. He looked hurt, guarded and furious. He held the baby boy out to his mother rather stiffly, his face no longer betraying any emotion.   
  
Misao, despite feeling weak, quickly grabbed her child, rocking it in her arms. She too looked under the folds of the blanket to see what sex it was.  
  
" A boy…a baby boy."  
  
Misao smiled happily through her tears, trailing down her cheeks to wet the boy's forehead. She stared at his delicate face, his skin still red from the birth. She drew a sharp breath as the baby's eyes opened, familiar blue eyes staring up at her.   
  
" His eyes…"  
  
" Che. No doubt the brat is his child. No matter, he will become my tool. He will be named officially in a ceremony next month. I will be naming him, he will take on my family name. This disgrace is never to be spoken of again. Do you understand?"  
  
Misao could not stop looking at the little boy cradled in her arms. Everything, his eyes, his facial features, his little fingers and toes, all captivated her.  
  
" I asked you if you understood?"  
  
Donashiro's skin took on a slight shade of red as he brought his hand across Misao's face in a loud whack. His hand stayed on her reddening cheek, caressing the inflamed skin. Cupping her chin gently to turn her head to face his, a complete opposite to the violence he had shown, he spoke again.  
  
" Understand?"  
  
" …Hai."  
  
Roughly, Donashiro grabbed the baby from her embrace, pushing her back down as her flailing arms reached for the little bundle again. Taking a few steps back, with the baby awkwardly held in one arm, he looked at her, still trying to get up and reach out.  
  
" Let this serve as a reminder that this child is not yours. It may have your blood, but I ultimately hold its fate. Be obedient."  
  
Misao gripped the sheets beneath her, telling herself that she would see him again soon, that it was only a temporary separation. Donashiro's taut face softened into a small smile.  
  
" You know I love you right?"  
  
Misao could not return those words. She simply watched tearfully as Donashiro waited for a reply. Realizing he would get none, he strode out of the room as the child in his arms began to cry for the warmth of his mother.  
  
Small, dainty hands pull back the heavy velvet drapes to reveal the dark night sky, filled with bright stars.   
  
" Like this?"  
  
The moon was not providing much light that night. A new month saw the moon become nothing more than a sliver of light, not enough to keep the stars from their prominence.   
  
" That's perfect. Thank you Kanako."  
  
Kanako turned from the window, smiling at the new mother settled in an odd wooden chair. It was a new contraption, she had never seen it before.  
  
" Ne, Misao. Where did you get that chair from?"  
  
Misao made soft lyrical noises as she rocked back and forth, holding her baby boy safe in her arms. When she was satisfied, she freed an arm to pull the blanket around him closer. The only reason why she was able to keep her baby by her side for so long was because Donashiro had gone on a business trip. The past 2 weeks had been painful, as she had only gotten to see her child when it time for feeding. She savored the time now, when she could be alone with him with no interruptions.  
  
" A present from the foreigners."  
  
Kanako raised her eyebrows, laughing a little.  
  
" Those foreigners think of the oddest things. Imagine that. A rocking chair?"  
  
" It is good to help the baby sleep."  
  
" So has a name been decided yet?"  
  
Misao paused at Kanako's question. A name for her child. Donashiro was to name him in officially in 2 weeks time. But to her, he was Nenji. In memory of her Jiya, a person whose death had been her responsibility.  
  
" Misao?"  
  
" Oh…Gomen. He will be named at a ceremony in 2 weeks."  
  
" That's good. I guess I'll go take a break."  
  
Kanako always did know when she wasn't wanted. She knew well when Misao wanted to be alone. She had no objections. In exchange, she would get long breaks as she was the one who was supposed to look after and look over Misao all day. Placing a dinner tray by Misao's side which contained both meals, she silently left, making sure no one saw her.  
  
Misao brushed her limp, oily hair out of her eyes, as well as to keep Nenji from playing with it in a painful way. At the slight movement, he began to cry again, waking from his peaceful sleep. She whispered soft soothing words to calm him down.  
  
" It's ok…I'm here."  
  
Nenji continued to cry, his skin reddening as his fingers clenched at Misao's loose hair. Despite the tears and the wailing, Misao didn't mind. She loved him. To her he was perfect.  
  
" Okaa-san will always be here for you. I'll never leave you…no one will ever take you away from me. You won't leave me will you?"  
  
Misao took a particularly loud sob as her answer. Smiling, she began to rock back and forth to calm him down.  
  
" Ne, Nenji. Even though you'll never see your otou-san, kaa-san will always take care of-"  
  
Suddenly, a loud thud interrupted her. Whirling around, her eyes widened, her hands nearly dropping Nenji with surprise.  
  
" Ao…Aoshi-sama."  
  
The man stood behind her chair, his eyes open wide in shock. A large bag lying on the floor beside him explained the loud thud.  
  
" Oh…I didn't hear you come in."  
  
Misao chided herself in her mind at her stupid sentence.   
  
" Baka! Of course you didn't hear him. He's a ninja. That's the point…oh no! What did I say?"  
  
Misao turned back around to face the stars again, her heart racing as she thought about why Aoshi was so shocked.  
  
" What did you just say?"  
  
" Eh? Oh. I didn't hear you come in." Misao stammered.  
  
" No. What you said to…the child."  
  
" Iie. It was nothing. What are you doing here?"  
  
Misao rose from her chair, cursing at how weak her body was. Aoshi stooped to pick up the bag from the floor and held it out to Misao.  
  
" Presents. From the Oniwabanshuu."  
  
Holding the baby so he could rest on her shoulder, she took the proffered bag and knelt down, using one hand to place it onto the floor, open, and riffle through it.  
  
Aoshi watched Misao search through the bag, smiling in delight at the items she found inside. Despite her happy demeanor, he could tell that this wasn't much more than a ghost of Misao's former self. The Misao he knew would have been squealing, jumping around. The Misao he saw before her was firmly rooted to the ground, not only because of maturity but also because she looked so tired and weak from her ordeals.   
  
When Misao looked up at him, she looked genuinely glad to see him, unlike last time when she looked like she wanted him to go as soon as possible. She looked different, her health having deteriorated further since he last saw her. Despite her happy exterior, he could still see that she was acting.  
  
He didn't want to see her like this. He wanted to take her far from this place which had caused her so much pain.  
  
It wasn't his right. But if it wasn't his, whose was it?  
  
" Come home."  
  
Misao got up from the floor, using the nearby chair as support as she stood shakily.  
  
" What?"  
  
" You're unhappy."  
  
Misao shook her head, her face muscles stretching and pulling into her usual smile.  
  
" No, I'm very happy here!"  
  
" Don't lie. We taught you better than that."  
  
Aoshi wished he could take back his words when he saw Misao's hurt reaction. He didn't want it to come out like that. Silently, he cursed himself for his inability to communicate the way he wanted to in these situations. He tried again.  
  
" Everyone misses you…I miss you."  
  
Shock. Again. This time, a happy shock. It wasn't often that Aoshi referred to himself like that. Even more surprising was what he was saying. Those words…he had never said those words to her before.  
  
Shifting Nenji from nuzzling her neck, she lifted him slightly, offering him to Aoshi.  
  
" Would you like to hold him?"  
  
" …a boy?"  
  
" You didn't know? Ninja skills getting a little rusty there?"  
  
Misao held the baby close to her for a second, getting ready to place him in the older man's arms.  
  
" Nenji…meet your real tou-san."  
  
She whispered softly, making sure Aoshi would not hear her, or at least not hear her clearly. It made no difference as Misao noticed the way Aoshi's mouth thinned. He always did that when he was thinking. Moving close to Aoshi, she corrected his hand position before placing the child into his arms.  
  
Aoshi stared down at the baby. His heart constricted painfully as he held the living proof that Misao did not belong to him. She had already had another man's child. He really didn't want to look at him at all.  
  
Misao's eyes misted with happiness as she saw the father and son together. Despite the awkwardness, it was interaction nonetheless and she was grateful for that.  
  
" Even if you didn't love me…I could still exact my revenge on the one you love most. On both Shinomori and his child."   
  
Shuddering at the memory of Donashiro's words, she continued to observe. She was happy, content that Aoshi cared for her. Happy that their true family would be together, even if it was for such a short time. He would never visit them again, if she could help it. Stepping forward, she took the baby back, cuddling him and stepping away from Aoshi, his arms still locked in the same position, as if he still held the child.  
  
" I'm really very happy here."  
  
It killed her to have to say this, to lie outright when she screamed out her unhappiness on the inside, unable to voice them for one simple fact. Fear.  
  
" I have a son to look after now…tell the others not to worry about me anymore. Oh…and Ao…Shinomori-san. Please don't visit me anymore."  
  
Aoshi flinched at the cool way she addressed him.  
  
" Why"  
  
" Because…I…you…You left me! You have no right to come visit. I hate you!"  
  
Aoshi took a step towards her, reaching out to touch her but Misao's hand slapped his away quickly.  
  
" Don't come near me…don't touch me. Please leave."  
  
Shocked, Aoshi's kodachi fell to the floor with a loud clatter. It hurt so much to say these words.   
  
No. The words themselves were not what hurt. It was seeing her beloved's reaction to them. She wanted so much to just reach out, to reassure him, to say she was lying. But she couldn't. It was for his own good. It was for her family's own good, back at the Aoiya.   
  
Before they could say anything more, the silence was interrupted by the sound of clapping.  
  
" Well well. You know its bad for any warrior to drop their weapons Shinomori. Now pick them up like a good little boy."  
  
Appearing from the shadows came Donashiro, with a wide evil smirk on his face as he observed the scene before him.  
  
" …you said you'd be at-"  
  
" Well it IS lucky that I came back early after all isn't it my dear wife."  
  
Misao quickly trailed off, not wanting to make the atmosphere tenser than it was already.  
  
" Its convenient that I didn't have to go find you Shinomori, as I have some business to discuss with you."  
  
Aoshi looked venomously at Donashiro as he walked towards them. Instinctively, he kicked his kodochi into the air, grabbing them with one hand to stand in front of Misao to protect her.  
  
" Now why would you have to protect my own wife and her child from me? It's ridiculous."  
  
For all the reasoning in Aoshi's mind, what Donashiro said was true. But his instincts told him otherwise, his heart told him otherwise.  
  
" State your business."  
  
" Ah, so I see the okashira of the Oniwabanshuu lives up to his reputation. Always information first. Have it your way. Don't mess with my wife Shinomori. I am well aware of your last visit. Nice touch…spilt water to cover you tracks. But you forget that we're a ninja clan here. Don't underestimate us. It is an insult to have someone sneak into our headquarters."  
  
Aoshi remained silent, knowing that Donashiro would continue talking. Donashiro gave him a wry smile before continuing.  
  
" Now back to business. The child my wife holds in her arms will be the next okashira of the Oniwabanshuu. He will succeed you."  
  
Aoshi let out a soft sarcastic laugh, not relinquishing his defensive position.  
  
" Doesn't work that way. I am the okashira now. My bloodline will continue the legacy of the Oniwabanshuu. My descendents or whoever I see fit. And I don't believe you will make a good okashira. That is your real plan isn't it Donashiro?"  
  
Donashiro let out a loud maddened laugh, glaring at Aoshi.  
  
" You have no clue do you Shinomori? Not that you're wrong about my plan. You just have no idea who this child is."  
  
Donashiro brushed past Aoshi, taking the child forcefully from the mother's arms. Misao struggled, knowing what her husband wanted to do.  
  
" No. Give him back! Donashiro please!!"  
  
Donashiro ignored her cries and moved to stand in front of Aoshi again.  
  
" So much for your reputation as the most observant. Take a good look Shinomori, and tell me what you see."  
  
Misao rushed to him, tugging on Donashiro's arm, pleading for him to stop.  
  
" Stop! He doesn't need to know. I love… only you…the child is loyal to you…not him!"  
  
Misao's words echoed in his mind as he slowly took the baby from Donashiro. With his kodochi tucked under one arm, he looked down at the crying child in his arms. Calming down, the baby stopped crying, his eyes opening to look around him. For the first time in his life, he found that his own blue eyes stared into mirrors. The same pair of eyes stared right back at him.  
  
A revelation. Something that shocked Aoshi to his very core, despite his having suspicions from the beginning.   
  
Donashiro pushed Misao away, her weak body hitting the floor with a painful thud, before speaking in a cold patronizing tone.  
  
" So do you understand now Shinomori? I control the life of the unconditional heir of the leadership of the Oniwabanshuu. Therefore I am effectively the leader, whether you like it or not."  
  
Confusion spiralled in Aoshi's mind. He looked up from the identical blue eyes to search in Misao's, wanting to know if that man had spoken the truth. Kneeling on the floor, Misao bit her lip, her shoulders slumped with defeat, refusing to look at Aoshi.  
  
" …its true. He's your child…I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just…didn't want you to die."  
  
Donashiro laughed, addressing Aoshi again, this time with a normal happy voice. As he did so, he took the baby from Aoshi, passing it as if it was nothing back to the baby's mother.  
  
" You know, normally I'd be pretty annoyed that my wife had another man's child. You must wonder why I'm taking this all so well."  
  
Aoshi glanced at Donashiro, wondering if he had lost his mind.   
  
" You think I've lost it haven't you? I'll tell you now. I'm perfectly sane." Donashiro said in a deep even voice. " Yes, the slut did have another man's child. But this is an exception, something entirely acceptable to me. Because that man was you."  
  
Aoshi gripped his kodachi, glaring spitefully at Donashiro as he spoke. He could feel the blood rushing through his body faster and faster, the killer instinct coming back to him.  
  
" So you see Shinomori. I own you. Maybe not directly, but through your child…and the woman you love. I control you. You are nothing but a puppet in my dancing on my stage…just to take that place as okashira until this little one has grown large enough to replace you."  
  
" You bastard….I'll kill you."  
  
" You'll kill me? Now now Shinomori, lets not get too ahead of ourselves here. Don't forget to whom I had the pleasure of marrying."  
  
" She is…your prisoner, not your wife."  
  
Donashiro smirked giving Misao a quick once over before turning back to Aoshi.  
  
" You're wrong. She said she'd never leave me and would love me forever. Isn't that right Mi-chan?"  
  
Misao looked up from the wooden floor to find both men staring at her, one with a self assured smirk and another with pleading eyes.  
  
" Gomen ne Aoshi…I don't want anything to happen to you. This is the best way."  
  
" …hai."  
  
Maybe it had always been true. Just maybe. The moment that single word escaped her mouth, he regretted it. He hadn't really wanted to know. The answer could have given him eternal happiness or turn him into a fool. Maybe it was always meant to be this way. Fate had dealt him a cruel hand in this life. Maybe they were just never meant to be.  
  
But Shinomori Aoshi had never been a man who followed his fate, his destiny. He preferred to make his own path. Staring at Misao, smiling sweetly at him, it made him feel hollow inside. All those times, it hadn't meant anything. She had never loved him, never in all those 17 years of her life. Her words, her actions had all meant nothing. Donashiro was right. He was just a puppet, to be pulled along by Misao's sweet smiles.  
  
The hollow, empty feeling faded. His body filled with a searing hot hatred for the man in front of him, who had wrecked his chances, even though deep down, he knew that he himself had let Misao slip through his fingers. His hand twitched, gripping his long kodachi, eager to embed the long sharp metal into warm flesh. To see blood sprayed all over the wall, to feel the hot slippery liquid between his finger tips. Shinomori Aoshi was out for blood. Donashiro's blood.   
  
He was only vaguely aware of his body moving forward, his left arm moving his kodachi in a large horizontal swing. As Donashiro moved quickly to the side to duck, he dropped his sheath, using his right hand to bring the short sword down in a vertical slash, the tip of the cool blade tagging the skin to create a large gash down Donashiro's front. Straightening from his crouched finishing position, he lifted the short blade to his mouth, licking the drops of blood which had stained the metal. His blue eyes were maddening as he stared at Donashiro who was inspecting his wound. The tangy taste on his palate served to excite him further, his fingers itched to spill more blood.  
  
Soft muffled cries penetrated his consciousness, bringing him out of his madness. He glanced down at Misao, sitting on the floor next to the chair, the now quiet baby in her arms. Tears ran down her pale cheeks. Her gaze pleaded for him to stop, it almost seemed that she cared for him.  
  
But, Misao didn't love him. It was time to say goodbye to those memories. To those feelings he had always harboured deep inside. He would let them go, they would fade away and drain the rest of the brightness and colour from his bleak world.   
  
His posture slumped slightly, his kodachi slightly lowered from their defensive position, something Donashiro took advantage of. Sword drawn, Donashiro rushed towards him with a fast and furious right swing. Aoshi moved quickly to avoid the swing, jumping out of the way. However, his opponent seemed to have anticipated his move, using the back of his sword to knock into Aoshi's wrist, making him lose his grip on his long kodachi. Taking advantage of Aoshi's momentary shock, Donashiro used his kempo, driving both his fists into Aoshi's mid section before finishing off his combination with a small round house kick. Aoshi collapsed, kneeling on the floor and breathing heavily as he had his wind knocked out of him. His mind screamed for answers as to why his fighting skills had gone down so much. What was wrong with him? He had never lost in a fight so badly.  
  
Donashiro sneered at him, kicking Aoshi's lost weapon to pick it up without bending down and relinquishing eye contact.  
  
" What's wrong Shinomori? Can't fight anymore can you?"  
  
Throwing his own sword down onto the floor, Donashiro advanced, admiring Aoshi's. Pulling several kunai from his sleeves. He threw them at Aoshi, aiming for all his vital points. Aoshi moved just in time to avoid most of them, gasping softly in pain as several still managed to embed themselves in his shoulder and right leg.   
  
" You don't live up to your reputation Shinomori. You disappoint me."  
  
Advancing, he raised Aoshi's sword high, bringing it behind his back to help gather more force behind the deadly blow he was about to perform.  
  
" Death by your own sword. Such a fitting end to such an insignificant life. No more fighting spirit Shinomori?" Donashiro taunted, sneering down at Aoshi, who had meanwhile pulled out the kunai from his flesh. " Could it be because you have no one to protect?"  
  
Donashiro smiled supremely, heaving the sword from over his head, meaning to bring it crashing down on Aoshi, to slice him in half. He stared, bewildered at Aoshi's horrified blue eyes as he found the sword had been caught on something. His blood froze in his veins as a soft gasp of pain echoed in his ears.  
  
He looked behind him, his eyes filling with tears as he saw his own sword drop to the floor with a clatter. It dripped with blood, his own blood he realised as pain began to hit him. He stared at the woman before him, her hand still frozen in the position, which had gripped his sword. He ignored the stabbing pain as he felt Aoshi drive a kunai into his mid section. Still, he could not take his eyes off his beloved, with blood on her hands. His blood, and her blood too. His large sword swing had caught her, caught her in the act of betraying him. Despite this, his heart still ached for her as the blood poured from the long wound down the middle of her chest. Breathing in little rasps, Donashiro collapsed on the floor, in a pool on his own blood, still staring at Misao. When he realised she was staring back, he used the last of his strength, feeling a tear roll down the side of his face, mixing in with his blood.  
  
" Gomen ne…Misao…I never meant for it to be like this."  
  
Misao fell forward, losing her balance and slumped near Donashiro, lifting a hand to touch his cheek. His dead coffee brown eyes stared at her. She knew, deep down that he really did love her. Slowly, her hand shakily close his eyes for him.  
  
" Misao…"  
  
Misao looked up, wincing in pain as Aoshi appeared beside her, pulling her towards him. She could hear Nenji crying for her, the baby's cries breaking her heart as she knew she would have no strength to hold him again.  
  
Aoshi pulled her up into his arms, gently prying Misao's bloody hand from her wound to inspect it. He ignored the warm blood soaking into his pants as he brushed the hair from Misao's tired face. Her blue eyes looked up at him.  
  
" …Take care of Nenji for me."  
  
Aoshi's eyes filled with tears, something which he had not done since he was a young boy. Misao's hand raised shakily to wipe the tears from his face.  
  
" Don't cry…" Misao grimacing in pain. " It's ok…I'm…I'm just sorry it had to end this way…"  
  
" It doesn't have to end…I love you."  
  
Misao smiled, her face lightening up and her eyes regaining some of their spark. She looked up at him dreamily, memorizing his face, his dark blue eyes.   
  
" You know…this was just like my dreams. I always dreamed that you would come and rescue me and say you would love me after it all."  
  
Aoshi stared down at her, shaking her as her eyes slowly closed.  
  
" Misao…Misao wake up?"  
  
" Shh…I'm ok…go on. Leave now."  
  
Aoshi shook his head, looking scared. Her heart clenched as she saw the fear in his eyes.  
  
" I'll be ok. You'll see. Someone will be in here soon…Leave."  
  
Misao used all the strength she could muster to push him away. Reluctantly, he laid her gently on the floor, grabbing his kodachi and disappeared into the shadows. All alone with only Nenji to fill the silence, Misao lay flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She was dimly aware of all the blood that had poured from her body, no matter how much pressure she placed on the wound.   
  
Yes, it was like her dream. Aoshi had come to rescue her, to confess his love for her. She smiled, feeling tired. Her eye lids became heavier and her breathing slowed.  
  
" I always dreamed he'd come for me…say he'd love me."  
  
Slowly losing consciousness, she tried hard to keep awake.   
  
" My dreams…I never guess that this was how it would end…I'm sorry it had to end this way…Aoshi."  
  
Closing her eyes, darkness enveloped her, the last thing that floated in her consciousness was the sounds of doors opening and loud screams.  
  
Darkness. The reflection of moonlight on calm waters.   
  
A tall figure stole into the room, dropping his weapons with a clatter, shoving his bloody hands in the water. He watched pensively as the water turned red. Lifting his hands out of the water, he marvelled at how easy they had become clean again.   
  
All the events of that night, the evidence; the blood could be so easily disposed. He closed his eyes tightly, wanting to shut out the images of the blood…so much blood. His hands gripped the large wooden bucket, tipping the whole contents over his head.  
  
Breathing heavily, he threw the bucket into the corner, making it crash heavily against the wall and splinter.   
  
Why had it happened that way?   
  
This wasn't the end.  
  
It couldn't be the end.  
  
But the emptiness inside told him otherwise. He sat onto the floor, back against the table leg looking down at the dirt floor. He stared down at his hands, the hands which had been covered in her blood, the hands that held her just a little while ago. Clenching and unclenching his fingers, he studied his calloused hands. The blood was undoubtedly gone.   
  
And despite his hope, his mind knew that Misao would be gone too.   
  
Time. He had lost all sense of it as he sat there numbly. Even though the pain was there, he could no longer feel it. He couldn't think, he couldn't move…he couldn't feel anything but numbness.  
  
" Aoshi-san!! Where are you!?"  
  
Someone was calling his name. A female voice. But if it wasn't HERS he didn't really give a damn.   
  
" Aoshi-san! Its terrible!"  
  
He already knew the horrible news. No one needed to tell him again, no one needed to tell him about the horrible event. Never again. He stared listlessly down at his right hand, wanting to close his eyes, to rest and forget, but couldn't. Instead his eyes burned painfully, seeing over and over the same pain.  
  
" Here you are! Aoshi-san, it's Misao-chan! There's been an accident."  
  
An accident. Yes all an accident, a dream and illusion. Anything but cold hard reality. Absently, he identified the person to be urgently tugging his sleeve to be Okon.  
  
" You've got to come quickly! The doctor says that she might die!"  
  
Aoshi felt like laughing. She might die…no. Okon would always cling to whatever hope she could. But Aoshi knew better, he knew that hope never changed anything. It did nothing but comfort the human soul. He wanted that comfort, no. He needed it. But Aoshi already knew too much, that despite all the hope in the world, there had been too much blood shed that night.  
  
" Hayaku! The Seiibanshuu were attacked…Kaede is already dead. Misao…may lose her life too. Come-"  
  
" What the hell do you expect me to do about it?!"  
  
Aoshi savagely pushed Okon away from him. Landing hard on her backside, Okon stared at Aoshi in disbelief. Never had she seen her okashira have such impatience and shown such behaviour.  
  
" What can I do…she's dying. I can't do anything."  
  
He muttered so softly that even Okon, with her ninja training, could barely hear him. Okon got up and sat in a kneeling position before Aoshi, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
" Yes you can…just go to Misao. She'll…stay alive. She's a fighter."  
  
Aoshi once again pushed Okon away, this time gently taking her hand off his shoulder.  
  
" Go to Misao…what good would that do. Don't you understand? I'm powerless…powerless to save her."  
  
" But your presence alone would help Misao."  
  
" Don't you understand? Nothing will help her now. Not now…not ever."  
  
Okon drew a hand across Aoshi's face with a loud resounding slap. She stared at him, breathing hard to contain the anger within her.  
  
" You're the one who doesn't understand. If you've already given up hope on her…then fine. Don't come."  
  
Okon stood up, leaving Aoshi in the room. The door slid close with a loud whack as wood hit wood. The red mark on his face lingered as he sat there silently. He could hear Okon's angry voice as she walked down the hallway.  
  
Was what she said true?   
  
Aoshi had never really been one to believe in hope. Rather, he liked to depend on himself to get things done. Hope was only necessary as a last resort to people. He never liked to use last resorts.  
  
The door slid open again, this time Omasu timidly sticking her head in. Her face was wet with tears but was filled with steely determination.  
  
" Aoshi-san. If you want to come, I'll leave the address. Please do…I'm sure…Misao would appreciate it. Even after all that's happened between you two…please."  
  
Letting a sheet of paper fall onto the floor, she left. Aoshi stared at the paper lying to the left of him. Undoubtedly, the ink was still wet, the moisture shining in the sun now rising outside. The writing was messy, obviously written in haste. He bent forward, picking the paper up between his index and middle finger.   
  
He wanted to see her…but he couldn't bring himself to see her. The agony of indecision pained him. If he hadn't gone on that trip, if he had seen through Donashiro's plan, Misao would not have ended up with her life endangered. Glancing at the sheet of paper he held by his finger tips, he wondered how he could possibly face her after being the cause of the whole mess. He wrapped the rest of his fingers around the paper, scrunching it up in his hand. The paper became a ball with a satisfying crunch before he threw it at the wall halfheartedly. It bounced off, rolling near his side once more, sitting there enticingly.  
  
Staring, he thought that perhaps seeing her wouldn't hurt. But his body refused to move.  
  
Author's note : Wow I must have been watching too many soap operas when I read this.  
  
This is a chapter I dug out while cleaning out my fic folder…I wouldn't expect the end any time soon rolls eyes So melodramatic! 


End file.
